New hope abounds as i take a shaky step forward from my comfort zone such as it is and attempt to put my life on sturdier footing. I have applied for a great job and i have passed to major hurdles already a typing test and an assessment test...now i await the call for an interview so much is riding on this job i can't even think about that...or i will screw it up for sure...no support system except kate of course but she is exstatic even though she is in another state right now, how i love that kid. I have been skating on thin ice for way too long, terrified to move forward and so unsure of every step i take, i don't think my heartsteps will be well received any longer, its strange how one's baby steps are not tolerated in kind, i only assume this because i have no proof otherwise, he checks the site often but not my profile so he's looking but not looking for me, my heart has always been there, its my head that won't shut the hell up, i want so badly to be in my safe harbor even though i'm sure there is a tempest going on there it would be a comfort to ride it out. Wrong to "live" in my past life, and "exist" in my current one...only time will tell.
No idea what my steps will take me toward now, just can't keep dog paddling.
good thing we don't retain those baby step fears as we grow cause now i understand how perilizing they can be...
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